Saturday Night Live

I can’t seem to fall asleep. So I will write about my day.

image

I made this today. Got a poster template which was originally meant for a club lol.

So we are starting Saturday Night Live, a praise/prayer night on Saturdays, from 6-8(come out!!), for our church youth. Our mission? For the youth to experience God’s love. As we were planning for this (me, Jonathan, Hakyoung, and Pastor Chung), I couldn’t help but feel hope. The kids are eager, the leaders are eager, and we have a long, long way to go. I sat in on the youth’s worship practice and dang… there is a loooot of work to be done.

Despite all of this, I’m excited. I’m excited to see how God is going to work in this ministry. I’m excited to see God’s love for these kids and I’m especially excited to see them experience it. I want to see these kids grow and mature in God’s love and grace. I want them to know Jesus.

And I know that none of this is possible without God. And I’m excited.

So after preparation and prayer, Jonathan and I bussed back to Mac and talked over burgers and tea for around 3-4 hours. We discussed and shared with each other our experiences in university, our thoughts and hopes for SNL (Saturday Night Live), our spiritual walk with God, and just life in general.

There are certain moments in life when everything comes together and it hits you. At the time you don’t know what it is exactly, but for some reason, things slowly start to make sense. And you can literally feel the pieces of your life just falling into place. And you start to understand a little bit more of yourself and of the world around you. All of a sudden, you start to accept your positives and negatives, and awesome stuff like calmness, peace, and forgiveness just washes over you and you can’t help but just be overwhelmed, overflowed with God’s love.

Man, today was just one big, long moment.

So basically, what I am saying… I think I am not going to Korea next year. I truly believe God is telling me to serve at my church at least for another year. To bolster the youth and to serve humbly and with love within the Young Adult ministry.

I am not sure yet. But with prayer, I believe 100% God will lead the way.

This doesn’t mean I will be ditching music. Heeeeck no. If anything, this may be more beneficial for me. But, we will see.

Anyways, for anyone who is reading this, please pray for me :) . Pray for God’s guidance and the hearts of the youth group at my church. And please pray for my discernment in the upcoming months!

Well, it’s 6:20 now…….. da heck. I have church in 3 hours and 40 min.

Sooooo… for anyone who wants to know more in detail, feel free to contact me lolllllll.

We will drink coffee and have laughs and giggles. And it will be fun. Very fun.

Well, thanks for staying strong and actually reading this haha,

Just another guy

 

Alex 2.0

I took an exam today and I think I did well. The new Alex Chae, Alex Chae 2.0, does well on exams. He does not start studying the night before the exam. He studies the day before… lol.

So, I failed with Insanity and so I feel my love handles returning to me. I think I will start again in the summer where I have time and boredom to accompany me. This is Alex Chae 1.6

Alex Chae 2.0 reads. I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis, St. Augustine, Luther, Origen, Stephen Hawking, Stephen King, etc. I’ve been noticing that I’m actually ignorant, and I don’t really know anything. So… gotta read some more. 

I’m really tired so this is pretty choppy. Alex Chae 1.2

Been listening to Jose Gonzalez more and more recently and man, he is brilliant. Utter genius. And now, my love for music has grown. I want to make music like this. And I want to write a book. But that is all in the future. Alex Chae 10.1 . So I have been practicing bit by bit, slowly incorporating vocal exercises into my daily routine, usually as I’m walking to and from school. Been song writing a bit. I finished a song with my friend Justin Hwang and I must say it is pretty dangitty dogitty good. I’ll try to get a recording later and share it here.

So apparently my friend, Deborah, has a friend who finds me very pleasing. Just found that out today. And I thought that it was funny. By no means can I be considered to be structurally well put-together or any of that good stuff. Seriously. I really believe God has made me shorter and tubbier and has given me many, many stages of awkwardness for one reason. To not be cocky. Knowing myself, if I felt better looking or more talented than other people, I would be the most cockiest son-of-a-b you would not have the pleasure of meeting. So now, even if someone finds me attractive, I really and honestly do not care (ok, maybe a little bit). Of course I care that someone holds some form of affection towards me, but I do not care that I may be “good-looking” in the eyes of the person. The more and more I learn about the world and of God, the more I start to not care about “worldly” things. They are important, obviously, but they are and will not be the very mode to my satisfaction in life. Things like money, beauty, physical appearance, status are all trivial in the grand scheme of things. And all of these things will disappear in life.

"From everlasting to everlasting, You are God" - one of the Psalms somewhere.

So, I think it’s funny how a girl finds me attractive, now of all times. Now, when I am starting to not care for the approval of the world. And when I am starting to really choose God over everything. You have to understand, I have not even heard a peep from anyone in a long time. The last time was this girl in high school who liked me for a while, and then rejected me 3 times lol! Anyways, in conclusion… thank you God.

Also, before I am capable of loving others, I must first love God. Amen. Hallelujah. God is good.

Alex Chae 2.0 signing out. 

Bye.

I began my insanity workout again after a 10 day break. Yes, I took a break after an insane 3 weeks, I’m not as hardcore as I thought I was. It was weird, my body was profoundly tired and I began feeling exhaustion, like soul exhaustion, not to be confused with body exhaustion. Body exhaustion can be cured by a good nights sleep with freshly out-of-the-dryer blankets and a tempurpedic mattress. But soul exhaustion is a whole different story. I found myself tired to the bones and it felt like a thick blanket was suffocating my brain. So, I’m out of that state of tiredness, and I’m picking up where I’ve left off, week 4. Let’s go.

Anyways, I don’t know if you, whoever that is reading this, have noticed, but my writing sucks. Recently, I have been reading more books and I find that there is an essential characteristic of quality writing… direction. The author has the ability to project their thoughts onto the reader without stating it outright, so direction without instruction. It’s amazing. Whenever I write these blog posts, I find myself sticking to a certain template or structure to keep my thoughts clean and coherent. It’s actually really really uncomfortable. Because of my lack of confidence in the English language, I don’t really have a lot of freedom in the way I write. Looking back at earlier posts, I don’t really talk about anything. Seriously, I literally write about where I’m sitting and what I did that day. So from now on I will try to “project” myself onto these blog posts, to be honest to my character and thoughts. Hopefully, I will be able to reveal a small part of who I am instead of fearing the uncertainty of words… if that makes sense. If not, then read it again.

First time for everything

I have never been so monumentally screwed for an exam. 

Holy

I’ve got my blood test results back. Inconclusive. So my stomach problem is still lingering so we will see how that goes. 

I’ve been continuing to listen to more and more music. I have been actively trying to broaden my musical tastes because I have noticed that I linger on specific artists for long, long periods of time. Jamie Cullum and Blue Scholars are two perfect examples. I have dedicated 2 years of intense listening to those two artists, so I believe it’s about time to move on and dabble in some other stuff.

I talked about how I was starting to understand my identity in my previous post. Well I talked to Josh Chu last Sunday and we got to talking about my life. I began to tell to Josh about the convictions and conclusions that I came to about taking a year off, pursuing music, the role of God in all of that, etc. Then Josh asked me a question: When was the last time that I have felt safe? Good question. It was interesting. Here I was, animatedly revealing to Josh about my plans and how it was a part of God’s plan, but I couldn’t answer that question. The last time I felt ‘safe’ was way back in grade 4. Life was good in grade 4 haha. As I was reflecting, the crazy reality of my hypocrisy really punched me in the face. Here I was, confidently confessing my God-driven dreams and plans, but I couldn’t say that I truly felt safe. Pretty stupid. After my talk, I was in utter shock and in a state of humbleness. Once again, I was getting cocky again and tried to take control of my own life. So, while in my state of humbleness, I read We Are Not Rockstars. Amazing book. I would suggest anyone who is struggling with their identity with Christ to read it. Anyways, the biggest thing I got from the book was the fact: God is all things good. And that extends to my purpose as a Christian and musician. He must be and is the only source of my motivation and inspiration. Crazy stuff.

It’s really amazing to see the journey that God has taken me in the last 2 years. I can’t believe that I am at this point after 19 short years of my life. The excitement is building up!

On a side note, I have started my application to the TaLK Program, which is a program where university students/graduates can teach English in Korea for a year. So we will see how that goes lol

Introduction - Surreal & The Sound Providers

Coffee and Snow - Blue Scholars

Growing pains

I went into my second year with the mentality of growth. Basically to improve multiple areas of my life that I thought I was lacking in. You know the usual stuff, my habits, academics, music, spirituality, etc. I had the understanding that God has given me this year to really improve myself, to grow. Turns out, I didn’t understand in what areas.

Throughout the semester, I have been challenged. I had work, KCF leadership, church, school, and social life to balance. These are the main parts of my everyday life, and I naively thought that these were the areas I needed to develop. Very subtly, in my head, my improvement of school + church + KCF would equal maturity and discipline. Essentially it became a validation and value system. Of course I’m not saying to give up on these things, but gradually over time, the idea that I’m mature, smart, and that I know-everything slowly creeped into my head. Throw in some prayer, sprinkled with some daily QT, and I was golden. 

In the last month, my perspective has changed. I have decided to grow in the understanding of myself. God has really shown me my true colors. I’m a little jja-shik(lil’ punk). I don’t really know anything. Immature. And much much more. So, now that I (kinda) understand this, I think I can start to rebuild myself. And for the first time in a long time, I feel excited for what’s to come in the future haha

Down The Line - Jose González